i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
