Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
