Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
