Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
