Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
