I want to stick my p in your. b.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
