oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize