is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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