I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
