he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There r osticjed everywhere
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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