What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
