Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
