is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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