Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
