i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
