I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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