That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
