Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize