the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
