I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
