if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
