Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
