if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Boobs speak an international language.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
