no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
