also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
