I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
