Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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