If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize