I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
