You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
