My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
