Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate

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(903): View more from Texas

I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer

(214): View more from Texas

... I'm KD

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.

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(817): View more from Texas

Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!

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(303): View more from Colorado

Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?

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(260): View more from Indiana

After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.

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(406): View more from Montana

There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.

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