how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
