Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
