May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
