It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
