Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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