so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
