Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
