You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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