I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
