I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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