You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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