Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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