His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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