her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My penis needs a shock collar
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
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