haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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