there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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