Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
