what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
