I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
