is your mom at the bar?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
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