We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
