so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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