I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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