We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
my penis made a compromise with my morals
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
