I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize