wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
