You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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