I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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