That's intense
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
