His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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