What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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