at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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