So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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